If you are like me, you are way more likely to excuse the shortcomings of others than your own shortcomings. Also, in my case, I am very good at holding grudges. Not proud of it, though, but at first glance, it would seem paradoxical, because when I am in ‘grudge mode’, what triggers it towards others is (usually, not always) when I give others so many chances that is not even funny, alongside a generous portion of the ‘benefit of the doubt’ so I can excuse their mistakes.
However, I do not extend this courtesy to myself.
And once I hold a grudge against myself, it is next to impossible to shake it off, which brings me to the idea of self-compassion.
‘Achieving Self-Compassion’ should come with a “For best results, try X” section. At about 81 pages long, this is the kind of book that an avid reader like me would devour in an afternoon if I am in no hurry and about an hour if I rush through it.
Appearances are deceiving, though. This book is information-rich, dense even. And I, for one, am grateful I came across it. Self-compassion is one of these things that fit perfectly with the proverbial “Easier said than done” maxim, and Mr. Terrell is a knowledgeable guide to us who would not even think we need self-compassion in our lives. Heck, I wasn’t even aware of self-compassion as a concept or that it was even an option!
Thus, my recommendation is to read this book at least twice. First for an overview, and then give it at least a second reading, pen in hand, to annotate what resonates with you, like I did (pictured below, with my comments blurred for privacy).
Repeat as needed.
After establishing his professional credentials and the validity of his approach by referring to published psychological studies, Mr. Terrell dives right into the heart of the matter. Please do not be fooled by chapter/section titles like “Let go what is beyond your control”, “Appreciate what you have”, and “Do not allow others to define you”, among others. These are not bullet points or mere philosophical advice; Nate goes beyond bland platitudes, using examples based on his personal experiences and his experience as a therapist. He gives invaluable resources to apply these ideas to our lives. Moreover, he frequently illustrates, in an ‘if : then’ fashion, the possible positive or negative consequences of following his advice (or not).
Oh, and he is kind and compassionate to us readers! Fair warning, though: this book made me misty-eyed at some points, triggered me a bit in some parts, and in more than one instance, I caught myself thinking, “Is he reading my mind?”
Despite his evident knowledge and the usefulness of his approach, Nate does not preach; instead, he acknowledges his own shortcomings, and uses them as illustrative examples of how he liberated himself from his own lack of self-compassion.
After making his point (s), he ends most chapters with a handy section: “Try These Strategies on For Size”—which contain deceptively simple yet powerful pieces of advice.
Ordinarily, the lack of an index in a book would be a negative point for me, but in a book of this size and ‘density’, it is easy—and fun—to go back to find a passage that resonated with you when reading it for the first time.
This is the kind of book f you should purchase a few copies of and give to family and other loved ones. I did that, and I hope you do it too. I have an inkling that our world would be better if we all followed Nate’s advice.
I highly recommend it.
You might want to check out Nate’s website, https://achievingselfcompassion.com/. It is full of goodies!
Pictures courtesy of Nate Terrell.
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